The Royals played a game on Tuesday night. It was, I have to say, it was a beautiful game. Wonderful, really. Walkoff. Those are so nice. So nice. Just a lot of fun, walkoffs. This game was played in the nicest, best stadium in the league. There have been many polls that have rated The K as the best. The best stadium. I mean, you wouldn’t believe the many polls that say it’s the best. Really. Except for one on ESPN that nobody reads.
Walks, and I have to be honest with you… Walks are a problem. Especially leadoff walks in extra innings. So bad. So, so bad. Especially when you walk a speed guy like Raul Mondesi. Because what’s he gonna do? What’s he gonna do? He’s gonna steal second. A sacrifice bunt. I’m OK with sacrifice bunts in that situation. You know who doesn’t like sacrifice bunts? Rosie O’Donnell. She’s been very vicious against the sacrifice bunt, but nobody feels sorry for her.
Then Billy Burns. A lot of people were wondering why the Royals traded for him. Not me. It’s true. Burns came here from Oakland where I have several buildings filled with money. I told Howard Stern that Burns was going to win a game for us. Sacrifice fly. He’s a winning ballplayer. I’ve always said that.
You just have to look at Ian Kennedy. He had a home run problem. Such a home run problem. So many home runs. He gave up something like 60 home runs in the first half of the season. Do you believe that? Home runs… It’s unreal. So the Royals and this pitcher… Kennedy… They have a problem. A home run problem. What are they gonna do? He’s killing them. Something like 90 home runs allowed. So what I would do is sit down… Sit down and talk to him. Home runs are unacceptable. They’re garbage. I’d tell him… And he would listen to me… I’d tell him to stop. And he did. Pretty much. He allowed one Monday. To whatshisname… Escobar. But it didn’t hurt. Not like it could have. Everyone was telling Kennedy to stop, but he didn’t. Not until I told him to stop. I’ve very proud of that. Escobar. He’s barely in the league.
I tell you this. I’ve been all over. And when I go around, people complain to me about Eric Hosmer. What’s he doing? Watching shows. Reading the papers. He’s killing the Royals. But sometimes… Sometimes this guy isn’t so bad. He drove in a run. It was a good run. Let me tell you, I was very proud of that run. That’s a run we can be proud of. He’s from Miami, Hosmer. I’m opening a club there. It’s going to be an amazing club. Very exclusive. You can’t afford it.
The Royals were down again, later. But Jarrod Dyson. Let me tell you this Dyson character is fast. He singled to bring home Paulo Orlando. Orlando is from Brazil. He’s fast, too. So much speed. Speed is really wonderful, let me tell you. I know a thing or two about speed. Brazil. We’re just going to let China handle that.
The worst of all things happened. We have a tie game. And these bullpens. So many pitchers. I mean, I can just keep naming them all day long.
Dyson is fast, but he’s an awful bunter. He can’t bunt. And it’s really a shame. Because he’s so fast. So fast. He’s terrible at bunting. Bunting on 3-1 and fouling it off? I mean, come on. Merrifield is maybe a little better. He’s from North Carolina. I have some investments there. But he’s bunting. A squeeze play that turns into a double play. So many horrible bunts. Bunting is bad because to a large extent we have no idea how to bunt.
Replay. That’s something we have to fix. We have to fix it. It’s broken. So horribly broken, replay. Replay has tremendous problems. The Twins, they as for a replay. Who are they kidding? You can’t throw out Terrance Gore. Believe me, he may be faster than Dyson. Believe me.
The season is almost over. We had experts… Many, many wonderful experts. The experts all said… These were some of the best experts in the field by the way. The best. These experts all said the Royals were going to win the Central. These experts are the best. Truly. But what’s happening now? What’s happening? Cleveland… Cleveland is taking the lead. It’s unbelievable they are abusing the Royals like this. Unbelievable. This shouldn’t be happening. First, we shouldn’t let this happen. Not to us. Not to the Royals. Cleveland. I own some property there. A beautiful strip mall in the suburbs. But Cleveland… Who the experts didn’t even rate highly at all, I might add. Cleveland. They’re winning. And that’s wrong. So wrong.
Under my plan, we will win tremendously. The Royals will win. They will compete. They will conquer. I look very, very much forward to it. Tuesday was just the start. Just the start. We’re gonna make the Royals great again.
Thank you for making game summaries great again.
I equally love this article and hate you for writing it.