As you may know, the Major League Baseball postseason begins tonight with the Toronto Blue Jays and the Baltimore Orioles playing in the AL Wild Card Game. Tomorrow night, the Mets will face off with the Giants. Yes, that’s right. This year’s Wild Card slate is a who’s who of Royals playoff opponents the last two seasons. They dispatched both the Blue Jays and Orioles in the last two versions of the ALCS while they faced the Mets and Giants in the last two versions of the World Series. But then you knew that.

It’s kind of amazing how fast you get used to seeing your team in the playoffs after so many years without it. Each of the last two years, we were either fretting about the upcoming Wild Card game or about who would be the Royals opponent in the first round of the playoffs. This year, it’s simply counting down the days until pitchers and catchers report. I guess in the meantime we can watch the playoffs, but it will most definitely be an empty feeling.

I’ve been asking myself who exactly it is I’ll be rooting for in these playoffs. Personally, my dream for the AL Wild Card game is for the Orioles to lead by three in the ninth inning only to blow that lead and see the game go an additional 27 innings before the Blue Jays finally win it after depleting the entire pitching staff. I don’t really have any love for the Blue Jays, but I think the meltdown from a certain NFL writer would be too epic and perfect to pass up on. Of course, that would mean the game supplants the Royals/A’s effort in 2014, but I think it’s worth it.

I don’t especially care about what happens in the National League. I’d like for the Giants not to win because I’m sick of hearing about their even year magic, but other than that, I don’t think I’d be upset by any of the other teams. I suppose it’s kind of exhausting to hear the rhetoric about the Cubs, but it’s not like they haven’t earned the praise, and it would be nice for the “curse” to be broken before next season when I’m expecting the Royals to get back to the promised land. I’d hate for them to play a team in the World Series that hadn’t won in 109 seasons. Might as well get that out of the way.

On the American League side, I’m fully placing my fandom with the Rangers for a few reasons. For one, they’re a lot of fun. Adrian Beltre is awesome to watch, and so is most of the rest of the team. They kind of remind me of the Royals the last couple years in that regard. I’d also love to see Carlos Beltran finally get that title he’s been searching for his whole career. And finally, this is a dumb one, but I’d like to at least keep the AL pennant at its home in Surprise, even if the Royals aren’t the team to keep it.

But I just go back to the fact that it’ll all be empty. Before the last couple years, I used to wonder what it was like to watch your team celebrate on the field after winning a title. And now, I’ve seen the Royals storm the field eight different times over the last two seasons. When they advanced to the World Series in 2014, I teared up in the stands and thought it was the greatest moment of my baseball life. When Madison Bumgarner dashed the Royals hopes, I wondered if I’d ever feel the same baseball joy. And then last year, I found myself laughing maniacally while sobbing with joy after Wade Davis struck out the final batter in the World Series last season.

Instead, I’ll watch the postseason like I always did before 2014. Only this time I’ll know what it’s like to watch my team on that stage. I think that makes it worse and harder this year. Here’s to hoping next year isn’t empty again because I’m not a fan of this at all.

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